I love beginnings, but endings are not my thing. When leaving a party, I'm a big fan of the Irish goodbye (aka sneaking out without telling anyone.) I don't like the awkward hugs, the cheek kisses, the feeling that a good time is over. When writing, I never have a problem with the opening sentence, … Continue reading The decade of my eating disorder, and of my recovery
Three years ago I was going through one of my worst relapses. I was injured post my second full marathon and worried that I'd never truly be able to recover from my eating disorder. I'd made it three or four months without purging (my hallmark of a relapse) many times. I'd made it eight months … Continue reading Eating disorder recovery is real, and so Werth it
This morning, I woke up at 2 a.m. with my stomach growling. Not the kind of growl you can roll over and ignore. The kind of growl that demands immediate attention. My tired feet padded out of the bedroom, into the kitchen and located the only clean knife left, a few pieces of bread and … Continue reading Eating enough for a marathon
More than a year ago, when I was still a dietetic intern, learning about HAES for the first time and just thinking about getting back into writing again I pitched an article. It was about the menu labeling law that was about to go into effect nationwide. I was concerned about it. I knew a … Continue reading The dilemma of menu labeling
"The hardest part of recovery is even knowing what normal eating looks like," I said to my therapist a few months into my first round of treatment. "I can't even remember what hunger feels like." It took me years to really understand my hunger cues - and especially normal fullness cues - were again. I … Continue reading Life with ED: when intuitive eating doesn’t work
Recently, I discovered (read was shown by boyfriend) the Reddit page Expectations vs. Reality. At first I just left. It's incredibly relatable: the food you picture from a restaurant description verses what you get, the DIY crafts or cookies that never seem to turnout like the examples, the clothes that never fit the way they … Continue reading The days you don’t instagram
On January 9th I went for a late afternoon run. I took a new route, fully around a lake I'd only ever run the length of before. It was one of those January days - that we seem to be having a lot of lately - that make you wonder if it's really April. I … Continue reading Life with ED, the podcast is HERE!!
"Honestly, I'm terrified of the stomach bug," my friend whispered across the table at me. I nodded, thoroughly chewing my first real meal in days. I swallowed. "Yeah," I laughed a little, for years the stomach bug had been one of my biggest fears too. "Me too." Nobody likes being any kind of sick. … Continue reading Life with ED: When you’re sick…
I'm a slow runner. For nearly five years that had been my identity. I ran - a lot - nearly every single day and for on average 30 to 40 miles per week, but I did so slowly. I rarely finished a 6 mile run in under an hour if I was by myself and … Continue reading Give yourself a chance to try
"Anyone else want a cookie?" I asked my new college friends as I stood up to return my empty plate. They all stared at me, pursing their lips slightly. "I really don't want to gain the Freshman 15," one said. "Sorry, I was bad at breakfast so I can't risk a cookie now, I'll be … Continue reading Life with Ed: Drowning in a diet culture
I slid open my closet door in my old bedroom back at my parents house. I was looking for a sweat shirt. It had been 85ºF when I left Maryland and I had seen no reason to pack anything warmer than a t-shirt, but now, at nearly midnight, it was less than 60 and I … Continue reading Life with ED: Relearning to be you
Most of us struggle with moderation, especially when it comes to desserts. Whether it's Thanksgiving, Christmas, your birthday or any of the hundreds of "special days" that seem to have sprung up in the past few years having enough self control to not overdue it at the sweets table is extremely challenging. When you throw … Continue reading Life with ED: The dilemma of desserts
